wokwoktheskydragon's Blog

Randomness, Chapter 2

wokwoktheskydragon — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:37:14 -0600

Hello! If you're reading this, then I've either forced you to read it with my hypnotic powers, or you and all your insanity decided to subscribe to my blog for some reason. Am I that intriguing to you? If so, well then... thanks! But I find it much more likely that you've been mentally forced you by the massive amounts of hypnotic waves I just sent over the internet and by sattellte. That's right, I have a whole bunch of sattellites orbiting the earth, even as we speak! I get to spy on every single one of your lives, in every moment between when you're asleep, when you're making a sandwhich, when you're making me a sandwhich, when you're powering up your doomsday lazer, or several other events that occur every day. Like sometime in the past month, I saw your best friend doing something you probably wouldn't want to hear about... *shudders.* But who needs to talk about such morbid events, anyway? Those are like poision to your brain, corrupting it from the inside out. Speaking of poision, somebody made me a sandwhich the other day that I believe to have been poisioned. I took a bite, and it started shouting at me! Seriously, saying something about me eating its brains. And then it grew a tail and three legs. But who knows, that tail probably could have been a fourth leg that wasn't formed properly. Maybe I ate the part of its brain that allowed it to form fully functional body parts. But anyway, it got up and started shouting at me with an invisible mouth. Needless to say, I became slightly frightened of this bizzare phenomenon. I was about to run to get a spoon so I could beat it up, but it began speaking in odd riddles... I became entranced and listened intently as it told me of a far away land where they made factories built from cheese and the flowers that grew there were made of tiny speakers that could hear every thought in your head, yet do nothing about it. Have you ever heard of such a land? I bet the people there would make a good sandwhich, what with all the cheese. So I put a mail envelope inside the sandwhich that told me about all of this and put it in the mailbox. I definitely need a new mailbox... You could probably get one off of Gbay, but I bet it would cost a lot. In fact, I think they may even be British. So does that mean they shoud be Jolly, too? In which case, they shouldn't charge that much. But hey, not all people from England are jolly all the time. After all, one of my British friends slapped me the other day after I complimented her. I wanted to say she looked like a million bucks, but since she was British, I had to convert it to their currency. Where's the crime in that? She acted as if I were a Care Bear illegaly bouncing on a trampoline and giving out free bubble gum. Seriously, I am NOT a care bear. Those things are all weird colors. Could you imagine spending the rest of your life being purple? Well... actually, I think I could. It would just be weird. After all, look at that one guy from the third X Men movie. He had blue fur, and yet no one really mentioned it throughout the movie. But hey, I guess we can't all be as lucky as he was.

Randomness, chapter 1

wokwoktheskydragon — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:23:14 -0500

Hai! If you're reading this, then you're either sitting in front of your computer at your desk, sitting in/on something else with a laptop, or on some sort of gaming system, such as the wii. Well, then, whatever your sitting in is probably very uncomfortable. Could you imagine having to endure your weight for hours at a time? Sure, there are heavier things... like an ostrich, for example. Those things lay some big eggs. I wonder if I could make an omlet out of one... Yes! It would be an omlet to feed an army (or Joey)! Hmm, come to think of it, do you think an ostrich would eat an omlet made out of an ostrich egg? After all, I have a bird here, and it just LOVES hard-boiled eggs. Then again, it loves just about anything that isn't seeds. But it doesn't love me. It thinks I am food. :( I am not food, I am just... well, come to think of it, what am I? A spirit? A body? A river? Oh, I want to be corn! Corn gets to be yellow. And it gets a smexy green coat, too. That is, of course, until you strip it. Then you just throw the coat away. Come on, you're acting like it won't fit you. I'm sure if you got enough, you could make a human-sized coat out of that stuff. Then you could walk around in the city and show off your coat that you can sell on ebay. Come to think of it, how much do you think that would go for on ebay? A lot, probably. Maybe even more than that random flaming shoebox over there. I got a stick of gum for it the other day. But then a bird stole it. It stole my gum! I chased it all throughout the woods, and it just jumped from tree to tree to tree to tree to tree to tree and laughed and my incapability to fly. So I got an idea; I took a bunch of corn husks, made giant wings out of them, and used it to fly. But I went too high, and a sattelite bumped me on the head. It was flashing all kinds of weird lights and buttons... so I decided to start pressing some. After a while, it started to humm and whir, liek a moose. As I was staring at it (and slowly backing away) I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was an army of aliens, come to destroy the planet! I began to panic, but I didn't have to do that too much; the satellite fired a lazer at it and blew up the mother ship in one bright big blast of big bubbly doom! The other ships became afraid of me and my satellite, so they turned around and decided to blow up the sun instead. And that's how I saved the world; over a stick of gum.
I flew back to the ground, and the two guys in black suits and sunglasses came up. They were from the US government. They gave me a bunch of green paper and thanked me for saving the Earth. But then they said if I ever told anyone of the incredible feat I had just accomplished, they would track me down and lock me away in Area 52 (they also explained that area 51 is just a decoy: It takes the attention away from area 52, which is located in an invisible space station orbiting the Earth).
I took the green paper and went to the store with it. There, I saw something awesome. It was so spectacular, it took my breath away, and I had to advert my eyes because my brain couldn't handle the awesomeness. It was decided; I had to have this.
I picked it up and ran straight to the register. The cashier looked at me funny, but rang the item up anyway. She said: "One slice of bread, that'll be $10 please."
$10 for a slice of bread? I knew right away that there had to be some sort of mix up. $10 sounded WAY too cheap! What a steal! Nonetheless, I gave her a bunch of the green paper she seemed to want, took the paper, and ran home before they realized I had just ripped them off.
As soon as I got home, I got some tools and nailed the piece of bread to the ceiling above my bed so I could stare upon it every night as I fell asleep. Soon, however, I realized; The bread is so amazing, it makes everything else in my room look like trash! So I decided to fix that little problem. I went out, bought about ten boxes of trash bags, gave them to the homeless, went back home, and tossed all of my possessions out the window. Now, I was happy.
Three days passed, in which the bread continued to amaze me... for a while, anyway. Soon, I noticed that it was no longer soft; it had become hard, like cement. It wasn't that bad, though, until it started changing colors. It was becoming green! Not to mention, it was starting to stink. Another couple days passed, and I could take it no longer. That store had tricked me! This was some sort of joke! Unfortunately, I had destroyed the reciept to erase the evidence, as I had previously thought I had robbed them. So what was I supposed to do now?
In the end, the smell traveled throughout the house. So left my house and moved into the toolshed in the backyard. It's not that fun in here... it's cold and damp. Still, it would be cozy enough, but that bird keeps tapping on the window, taunting me because it still has my gum.
Meh... I'll do something about it tomorrow morning.

Moose

wokwoktheskydragon — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 15:20:42 -0500

Who here likes mooses? They survive and thrive... in Canada! (Oh, and that was all Kroze's idea!!!!!! Lol)